Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Fred Armisen in a Wig

Have you ever had a Chris Farley freak out?  Like, a real, for the love of God, how could you not have had a Chris Farley freak out, freak out?  I had one recently.  It really highlighted the impact stress can have on a person.  It also illuminated the twisted priorities that develop as a graduate student.  Now, you may not know who Chris Farley is, which is sad, remedy that.  Or you might not understand how a CF freak out would actually look in any place other than the SNL stage.  Let me paint you a picture.  First, a CF freak out has to be totally random and of a subject matter that is utterly ridiculous.  It is also punctuated by seeming extreme emotional investment in something.  And it often results in a rough voice afterward.  If you click the link above, you should have a very good idea.  Now, in some ways, a Chris Farley freak out is kind of like Bill Cosby's description of a conniption (also, Bill Cosby Himself is one of the best comedy albums ever).  Either one is fairly accurate for the situation I'm writing about.

If my freak out were a skit, it would have played out like this (yes, I know I'm blending casts):

Rita [Fred Armisen in a wig] and Top Hat (her partner, played by Rob Schneider in a golf hat) are asleep.  It's about 5am.  Top Hat is totally oblivious to the world; Rita is tossing and turning while mumbling.

Top Hat: (inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale)
Rita: (asleep, tossing, batting at the air) Rrmmg.  Nevada, why are you busing people with severe mental health diagnoses and concerns out of state to leave them on the street?  
Top Hat: (looks angelic and peaceful) Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Rita: (tossing once again) No!  iPhone users, you suck.  How is it ok to exploit homeless people so you can price gouge foreign buyers?!
Top Hat: (dreaming of a pair of Dahlquist DQ-10 speakers)
Rita: (sits bolt upright fully awake, smacks Top Hat's arm) We don't have any milk!
(cat sleeping on foot of bed promptly falls off)
Top Hat: Huh?! Wha? What? What?!
Rita:  We don't have any milk; you didn't get any yesterday!
Top Hat: (looking around in circles trying to understand what the issue is and why his arm hurts) Milk?  What?  I'll get some at the store tomorrow.
Rita: (morphs into Chris Farley in a very Hulk-esq manner, grabs Top Hat's shirt at the collar and "explains")
Top Hat: (realizing his bed-mate may have gone slightly off the deep end or possibly be in a dream induced rage, giggles nervously and pats Rita on the head while delicately extricating himself from her grasp) Uh, riiigghht, ok.  I'll get you milk for your coffee (if I can't find anything stronger).  Let's go back to sleep for now.
Rita: Milk! You promise?  I have...to have...milk....coffeeeee.....zzzzzzzzzz

Sometimes, it really is the little things that matter.  Let the girl have some coffee!  I won't even ask to marry your grandmother.    


Saturday, September 21, 2013

Comics, an Affliction and Burning Desire

From time to time I make pathetic little Rita comic strips to amuse myself.  While there are certainly far more entertaining stick figure drawings out there (I'm looking at you xkcd* and Hyperbole and a Half) these are really for my own sanity maintenance.  Not all of them involve statistics, but that is one subject that requires routine maintenance.  *This video of Richard Feynman explaining physics with a chess analogy is amazing.  Also, this one on his conceptualization of science, God, and living is stellar.   

And then there's this:

Bonus points to Snarky Squirrel for suggesting that this comic is really a projective test illustrating my "burning desire to learn advanced statistics."

Thursday, September 5, 2013


The topics of the day: the clitoris and war.  Two things utterly unrelated to one another in reality at the moment, however, my mind sees a connection.  Interestingly enough, it wasn't until later I thought of Lysistrata.

Sophia Wallace is brilliant.  She is also an artist.  A brilliant artist.  Her personal campaign to provide education and conversation about female sexuality and sexual organs, particularly the clitoris, is amazing. I'm quite seriously considering getting Cliteracy vs. Phallusy tattooed somewhere.  The Huffington Post piece linked above is pretty good.  Anyone with a clit, or anyone who has sex with someone who has a clit should take the first step toward cliteracy and check it out.  Whether "it" is the Huff Post piece or a clit I'll leave up to you.     


Somehow, I imagine this to be how the members of the US Legislative branch make decisions about things like war.  The whole four minutes pretty much sums it up.