Monday, December 31, 2012

Rita's Rhetoric Rules: Banned Words

Lake Superior State University in Michigan has published its annual list of words to be excommunicated from the English language.  While I agree with every word or derivation of the words presented in this year's list, there are a few more I would add for completeness, namely:
  • Legitimately:  As in, "I legitimately didn't sleep for, like, three days.  Seriously." or "I legitimately wore my bikini for three days."  Oh, thank God.  Illegitimate swimwear use is an unsightly snag in the moral fabric of this country; I'm glad someone is being responsible in their fashion choices.  I'm assuming she meant that she was wearing both the top and the bottom in the correct order, right side out.   
  • Incentivize:  I am incentivized to see this word utterly obliterated from common parlance due to its moronic, jargon tinged sound when spoken.  After reading 140, 10-15 page papers with this word popping up four times per page on average, I refuse to acknowledge its continued existence.
  • Thus:  Of all the transitional words or phrases that might be used, "thus" somehow comes out on top?  To counter its ubiquitous existence and make things interesting, I am going to start randomly replacing "thus" with names such as Mabel, Agnes, and Mortimer. 
  • Erstwhile:  I have yet to see this word followed by something other than "writer" or "artist".   I've deduced that people who use "erstwhile" when referring to themselves really mean they are failed writers or artists, not simply that they were a writer or artist at one time, as the actual connotation would indicate.  Keep trying, sweetie, the internet is great for supporting delusions of grandeur.
     Englebert ends my legitimate list of words to be expunged from the English language.  I can now work toward regaining my erstwhile sanity.        

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